Happy birthday. You know, it is so hard to come up with something to write to you, because there is so much going through my mind, and you, you are indescribable. I could never put into words who is Andrew . Because you are so much – probably everything – to me. And it is scary, this power. Oh, you don’t even know the power you have over me.
It seems like my mind revolves around you. It is like I will be walking and I will think if I should buy something to take home to you, or I will see this flower and think about all the beautiful things you would say about it, or how it would look pretty in your hair, or I will be looking at the night sky and the only thing I will think about is how the stars could never compete with the glow in your eyes. And this is not even considering the time I spend trying to understand what is the color of your eyes.
And it should be boring, but let’s be honest, you could never be boring. So it is probably a gift – funny how even on your birthday you are the one gifting me. And maybe it shouldn’t be like this. But it is. Because I love you so much it is even hard to think about it, and every day that goes by I love you a bit more and possibly one day I will explode with how much love is inside me, but it will be worth it. Because this love is for you. I think my love was always meant to be yours. In every universe. Maybe, after all, I do believe in soul mates because I’ve never been more certain that you and I have and will meet one another in every existing dimension out there. And I am sure that I am the happiest person alive in all of them.
Yes, you make me happy, so happy. But I guess you already know that, because whenever we are together I can’t stop fucking smiling. It is actually kind of irritating how happy you make me, because I never thought I would feel this kind of joy; all-consuming, warm, deep, constant. I think you taught me what happiness is. Of course, I had felt excited before, maybe even kind of happy, but never close to what you make me feel. It is like one look from you makes this energy flow through my veins, this warmth spread through each and every one of my cells, and I get taken over by this calmness, this peace, and it makes me want to get lost in it. So I just feel like smiling. All it takes is one look. All it took was one look.
You saw me. Really saw me, Andrew . Like nobody ever did, and nobody ever will. And I saw you too. Call it destiny, fate, whatever you wish, but I think we were always supposed to see one another. Because, you know, after I saw you everything changed. And it might be selfish, but you could be the only person I see for the rest of my life. I wish you were the only person I saw for the rest of my life. I could never get enough of looking at you, of course, you are the most beautiful person to have existed, but that doesn’t even come close to describing what you are. Looking at you is like looking at an entirely new universe. And I am so happy that you let me be the one to see you as a whole. Not the Andrew to the world, but Andrew. Only that. In your purest form – my Andrew.
So, I do believe I have to thank you. Thank you for allowing me to see you – I’ve never seen anything as wonderful – and for seeing me. Thank you for loving me, even when you hate me a little bit, even when I am a little shit – not that I believe I am, but ok. Thank you for showing me each and every day that I am worth loving, even when I don’t believe I am. Thank you for letting me into your life. But, most of all, thank you for showing me that loving doesn’t necessarily mean destruction, because I love you – oh, and how I love you – and you are the most perfect ray of sunlight on Earth. On the Universe, if you will. And you, my sun, could never be destroyed. Your brilliance is just too strong to fade away. Sometimes you even get me wondering how is it possible for someone to be this shiny, to be pure light, but it is you. And you, Andrew, were born to bring light into this dull word. So, my last thank you is to choosing to shine over me. I never thought I would have my own personal sun.
Happy birthday again, my love.
I love you with every bit of my being.
P.S.: Believe it or not, I’ve never written a letter before in my life, so I don’t really know how I should have started and ended it, or even written it at all. But I know how you are a hopeless romantic, and I guess letters are romantic – so here I am. Ok, maybe this was a little sappy – probably a lot, like make me throw up a lot-, I’ll admit it. But it’s only because it is your birthday, and, well, I gotta treat my man.
This is another piece I wrote about Lucia and Andrew. Maybe I will make this into a series someday. But I am definitely loving writing about them, especially their story of blossoming love. Let’s see what happens next. 🙂
Here is the first part- Voicenotes & Anxiety