The Closure

We decided to go on a date, it’s been ages since we saw each other due to our hectic schedule, long distance relation sucks.

We decided to meet at the Starbucks on Friday at 6:30 pm.

Thursday night, lying in bed I thought about the blood; blood has always been the reason I did this. When I first started doing this, I wasn’t very good at covering my tracks. People sometimes questioned why my bathroom smelled like bleach, all the time. But I got better at the cleanup.

I got to Starbucks and we talked but for some reason, I couldn’t stop staring. The more he talked, the more nervous I became. I loved him so much.  What am I doing? Why did I even start doing this? But it was too late, the monsters were screaming too loud for me to ignore.

He was in the middle of a sentence when I interrupted and asked if he wanted to come back to my apartment. You should have seen his eyes light up. I took him upstairs and I wanted to cry. He sat down on the couch and I nervously excused myself to the bathroom. Looking in the mirror, the tears came, they came like I was cutting an artery.

I couldn’t stand the sight of myself, I wanted to destroy this monster. And in a storm of rage, I punched my fist into the mirror. The glass shattered like a deafening thunder and my blood dripped into the sink. I fell to the floor screaming and he came running in. Shit, I forgot to lock the door. It was a mess, I was a mess. His hands around me, he kept trying to help me up, but I didn’t want to move. I didn’t want to hurt anyone anymore, no more death and destruction, I need peace.

 And in one involuntary move, I picked up a piece of mirror glass and cut his throat.

Watching the blood wasn’t like before, it didn’t bring a smile to my face. There was no calmness in watching the life in him die, there was nothing. I felt nothing but at the same time, I felt the pain.  So I sat there on the floor next to the lifeless, beautiful, and now stranger.

I looked at him and new it was over. All the hurting was over.

I torched his body on fire.

Finally, I filled the bathtub with my dead boyfriend’s ashes and let it seep into me, it was the best closure I ever needed.