Voicenotes & Anxiety, L+A

•Lucia learnt to play the piano when she was a kid with her mum.

•Andrew sees it as a safe place. He can focus on the music she creates, no bad memories, no expectations from anyone, not having to deal with all the problems she has, just her and the piano.

•Playing was her way to run away from reality, even if it was just for a short period of reprieve.

•It was also a secret he liked to keep for himself. Andrew could never describe what he feels when Lucia’s playing.

•She only played for her mum, until Andrew came.

•Andrew was different from anyone else: Lucia felt she could trust him this part of him she fought so much to hide. It was his vulnerable side. The reason was simple: it showed so many feelings when she played. Trusting him with her music would mean destroy the image she worked so hard on building to show the real Lucia. The Lucia she put so much effort to hide from everyone.

•And that was so freaking scary. But she felt she could do it, she could be herself with Andrew. Even though she hadn’t known him for a long time.

•After getting together, there are more times where Lucia plays the piano for him.

•She tried to teach him the basic stuff. Those days, Andrew sat on the piano bench while Lucia sat on his lap. She took Andrew’s hands, trying to guide him through the keys…but Andrew was a mess when he listened to Lucia. And she was so close to him. Two things she would never get used to.

•Andrew ended up with his face buried in Lucia’ neck while soft happy sighs left her mouth. It was almost impossible for Lucia to focus.

•Andrew loves so much to listen to her, not only because Lucia is extremely talented. Her boyfriend looks so calm and carefree on those moments. He has this little smile too that only appears when she plays. Andrew could never feel tired of watching her in those moments. It was kinda magical if you asked him.

•But the piano is not a safe place just for Lucia anymore: it also helped Andrew when he felt like everything was about to fall apart. He had a folder on his phone with voice notes of Lucia playing: sometimes her boyfriend sent them to her while she was at work because “Drew, I was playing this song and it reminded me of you” or “I was thinking of you while playing and I ended up composing this”.

•Andrew had those voice notes as one of the most precious things. They were one of the ways Lucia had to show how much she loved him.

•It’s not a secret that some nights Andrew can’t sleep. His thoughts attacked him, and it becomes too much to handle, too many things to ignore and fall asleep. His only option is staying awake until his mind goes back to calm times.

•Sometimes Lucia is awake with him and does her best to calm him down. And it helps Andrew a lot: Lucia’s reassuring words, whispered on the quiet of the night, hands running through his hair and back, and soft kisses on his forehead and shoulders seem to be the perfect way to shut down his thoughts.

•When Lucia is sleeping during those moments, he doesn’t have the heart to wake her up. He knows how much his girl struggles to fall asleep.

•That’s why he always has his earphones close to their bed. Maybe Lucia wasn’t awake to calm him down, but he had a part of Lucia there with him: his voicenotes~ Lucia playing the piano.

•Andrew doesn’t know how to explain it, but all those pieces played by Lucia had the power of making his thoughts go away, leaving him sleepy and calm.

•It became a routine for him without realising.

•Lucia’ eyes shine when his boyfriend explains to her and suggest to maybe put the voice notes out loud so they both could listen to them.

•Lucia holds him closer and without realising what she’s doing, she starts moving her fingertips through Andrew’s back as if he was playing the song. And Andrew falls asleep immediately with it.

•Since that moment, Lucia uses it to reassure Andrew and calm him down. And it’s one of Andrew’s favourite things.

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Andrew suffers from severe anxiety attacks, and Lucia is his calm, his support.

Let me know your thoughts about this piece.

~ Pia.